My Last Breath
by Furyan Goddess
Summary: Sean and Stacey.  A song fic about loss and love and moving on.


Author: Furyan Goddess   
Title: My Last Breath (song-fic) Evanescence

Rating: R for content   
Fandom: AMA  
Disclaimer: Sean or Stacey

Summary: Song Fic  
Pairing: Sean/Stacey  
Archive: Yes  
Feedback: Yes, always... I LOVE LOVE LOVE feedback... I beg for feedback… it makes me happy   
Author's Notes: Hope you all like this. Something I've been working on for a while and I think I maybe finally happy with it.

_**"My Last Breath"**___

hold on to me love  
you know I can't stay long  
all I wanted to say was I love you and I'm not afraid  
can you hear me?

_Can you feel me in your arms?_

She's lying in his arms, blood spilling from her mouth, a mouth he longs to kiss, to hear speak his name again. The love of his life is fading way as the light dims from her eyes. 

"Sean," she says weakly, her voice cracking with pain and fear, with acceptance.

"I'm here baby, you'll be ok, just hold on to me." He whispers with a broken voice.

"I love you Sean." She said breathlessly needing to tell him one last time as her eyes drift close.

"Stacey! Open your eyes baby. Please, Stacey. Wake up baby, don't leave me." He choked back a sob knowing she's dying, watching her slip away from him as the blood slides from her body.

He can hear the 911 operator screaming into the phone but he can't let her go to pick it up. He's numb. He sits and rocks her, pain and anger course though him as he finally succumbs to the lethargy taking him over from the blood loss and he's relived that he is dying too. He will see her again, soon…

_holding my last breath  
safe inside myself  
are all my thoughts of you  
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight_

He calls her name, denying what happened. They tell him she's gone and they're sorry. Why did they let him live? He was dying, going to be with her. They betrayed him, brought him back into the world with no light, nothing but darkness… no Stacey, no reason to breathe.

He wakes with a start, a small cry of alarm escaping his full lips. He can feel the tracks of tears on his face as he remembers the night his life fell away. She died in his arms and he breathed in her last breath as she exhaled one final time. He carries it with him everywhere he goes but he's still lost without her. She was his everything, and now she's gone leaving him alone and in the dark.

_I'll miss the winter  
a world of fragile things  
look for me in the white forest  
hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)  
I know you hear me  
I can taste it in your tears_

She's all he can think about. She's there though everything he does, some good, some bad. He knows she's watching and at times prays she's not but she's all he can think about…

She always believed in angels and he knows she's somewhere watching him and the thought almost breaks him. He knows she would never approve of his behavior but he can't stop. He can't think or breathe without her. There are times when he can almost see her walking on the beach or hear her voice calling out his name. He's nothing without her.

He still finds himself waiting for her to catch up to him if he's out. He looks for her in the crowds, afraid he lost her in the masses… then he remembers… he lost her for good.

__

holding my last breath  
safe inside myself  
are all my thoughts of you  
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

He blinks awake in the middle of the night and he gets up from the bed, he won't sleep anymore tonight. It's hours before dawn, hours before he can see the sunlight erase the shadows he is sure she is hiding in, just out of his reach, tormenting him. He whispers her name, a cry for help, and the cry of a broken heart.

His life is nothing without her, he's nothing without her. He doesn't want to live like this anymore. Cold, empty… alone.

_closing your eyes to disappear  
you pray your dreams will leave you here  
but still you wake and know the truth  
no one's there_

His eyes drift closed as he waits for daybreak and he knows he just wants to die, to finally join her again. To see her face, hear her voice. His mind drifts as he falls asleep, this time a sweet dream of her, the scent of her skin the feel of her body as he glides himself into her. He wakes before he's ready and again finds himself alone, alive and begins to cry. The scent of her skin and the taste of her lips are washed away by his tears.

__

say goodnight  
don't be afraid  
calling me calling me as you fade to black

_  
_He roars her name once again praying this time something will change and she will answer. He can't move forward and it's killing him to look back. He just wants to go to sleep forever where it's safe, where he doesn't have to be scared anymore. Where she's there to hold him and tell him it's ok. To tell him she loves him. Where they could have a life, their family they had planned. Children, a little girl with her eyes and her hair… it's all gone, faded away with her light.

_holding my last breath  
safe inside myself  
are all my thoughts of you  
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight_

He knows he has to let go, she would want him too, but how? He looks around and realizes he needs to move, there nothing left for him here, only broken memories of her and of a life that's now gone. He forces himself up off the couch and out the door; he can't look back, not anymore. He won't come back, he can't come back. Too many ghosts and they are all named Stacey.

One more stop to make and then he's walking away from it all. He kneels at her grave, fingers brushing lovingly at the angel on the headstone. She was his angel, his light and she's gone now forever. Taking away from him before her time. They were to grow old together, have lots of babies… now he has nothing left of her but memories. You can't build a life on memories.

He lets out a deep breath and tells her he loves her one last time. "Goodbye Stacey, I love you."

He stands, puts his sunglasses on and walks away for the last time. He knows life will never be the same, he will never be that man again and he is finally ok with that. He has to change to live again; she would want him to go on. He will, somehow, he will, starting today.


End file.
